Just a few years ago, I gave her permission to fully be herself, fully embracing her sexuality, her personality and her spirituality, flaws and all. And I did so without the approval of anyone else. Not my husband. Not my friends. Not my mentors. Not the church. Not my parents. Not my family. Just mine. Why is that, especially since I’m a submitted married woman of faith?
Because I truly realized that the God that’s in my husband and all the others I mentioned above was also fully in me. And that I didn’t need any of their permission or approval to be Me. And that “submitted” doesn’t mean subservient to where I have to get permission from man to be Me. I had to learn that what had been taught to me, which I also taught, was a general message to women yet I wasn’t a general woman but a unique one. I serve a personal and specific God so why was I allowing general (repressive) messages to rule and abide in me?
For years I lived according to what man approved under the guise of “this is what the Bible says that a believing woman and wife of pastor should be”. As long as I followed their standards, their rules, their interpretations, I had their love, their acceptance and their approval. (Or did I)?
Because the moment I started “living” differently than their standards, I noticed the love and loyalty I gave wasn’t being reciprocated. And see… in the relationship field, we call relationships where love and loyalty aren’t being reciprocated, dysfunctional and toxic and often advise the ladies that it’s probably best for them to leave. So why wasn’t I taking my own advice? #milliondollarquestion
I finally did leave but first, I did like a lot of ladies do in these toxic relationships… cry and ask, “Why couldn’t they love me anyway? What’s wrong with me? What happened to that ‘unconditional love’ they preached to me but apparently didn’t apply it when it came to me when I did something differently than they? Why couldn’t they love me for Me? The REAL Me? After all I did for them? After all the time I invested? They just up and leave me”?
But just like many resilient ladies after the storm blows over on these one sided toxic ‘ships, I remembered who I was, more importantly whose I still was despite what they now believed and I remembered who I had become. I had become a woman who actually loved herself more than they loved me and that ish felt amazing!
I woke up looking forward to not only love from a husband and children but love from ME! Yes y’all…I woke up looking forward to loving Me, OEV. Yes they left and more will leave the more I love me. And that’s what YOU have to get right now. If people can’t love you when you finally start loving you, they never loved you. They only loved the you they built you into. (🗣Did you get that? Let me run that by you again). If people can’t love you when you finally start loving you, they never loved you. They only loved the you they built you into. Because the moment you break out of who they built you into, they won’t love the true you. Because the true you is a threat to the you “they” built. The true you will destroy the you they built because the true you ain’t here for their insecurities, their control or their (spiritual) manipulation. The true you is free and she doesn’t let anyone take her freedom and turn her back into a slave of “they”. Did you hear me? Ok then you better quote and tag me on it boo because it’s true.
It took me a long time to get this and I lost myself slightly in the process, but as the old song says, I once was lost but now I’m found. So love me or leave me, what you see is truly what you get. And I love me..Me, OEV! 🙌🏾❤️
Tired of not fully embracing you, your personality, your sexuality? Then hit me up because this is what I do. As a Certified Life & Sex Coach, I help insightful, professional women of faith who are tired of being religiously, sexually repressed and frustrated to fully embrace themselves and their sexuality in order to attract more functional relationships in their lives, more money in their bank accounts and more intimacy with their God. I do all this in 12 weeks in a private mentorship group. Email me @ Hello@OctaviaEVance.com now. And if this hits different, make sure you share. ~OEV